They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize