yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
