it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize