Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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