I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
