So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
