you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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