He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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