it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
