Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
