One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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