he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
