put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
