Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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