maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
