Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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