I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
