I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you would pick up someone in the library
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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