i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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