remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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