i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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