Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
