There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
