so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
