I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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