YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
