if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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