The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
