It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
