i was born a porn star she said
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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