I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
