so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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