and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
