When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
