I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
