If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
