I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize