There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
