There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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