One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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