I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
