go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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