so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
