And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
