My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
