Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
