Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
