So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
