I don't usually arrange sex via text message
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
