Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
