Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She bit a glass in half.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
