I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize