Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
