im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
