you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
