Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
