The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
