I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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