miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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