Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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