I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
