I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
