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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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