woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
