Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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