By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
