careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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