Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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