I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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