I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
