His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
