I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
