two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize