O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
