I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
