They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
